home.

I'm home.

All my yucky inside feelings and worries and insecurities are gone. They melted away as soon as I smelled Haiti.
I'm here safe and sound after waiting at the airport in the rain for two hours and then having to change a tire cause the roads are so bad and then pulling over cause the car got a gas leak.... we're home. I'm sweating all over the place and I LOVE IT.

It's so good to see all of my Haiti HODR friends and feel so welcomed the moment I walked through the doors. I barely put my bags down when they asked me to do 8 tetanus immunizations on the volunteers. Ahhhhhh. It feels good to be back. I was also walking to the hospital when I heard my name being called by a certain familiar raspy voice. I turned to find Jonas and Williamson running at me with open arms.
Again... it's so good to be here.

JFK... halfway there.

I'm in JFK. It's four in the morning where you all are and I'm eating a bacon cheese egg english muffin... quite possibly the greasiest thing I've ever put in my body. Delicious. :)

Yesterday was super tough. I mean, honestly, this whole week has been really tough. I feel like if I would have just gone back to Haiti the day after I got back, it would have been easier. That way I wouldn't have had to remember all of the incredible people I'm lucky enough to know and love. That way, someone else could have packed up all the nonsense I've accumulated in my life... which was gross and overwhelming and far too confronting for me. That way I wouldn't have remembered the luxuries I'm abandoning for a season ( chocolate and ice cream being at the top of that list {quite possibly, the whole list}).

Last time I had to leave the country, I did it with a friend. Now I'm going to meet up with some friends but traveling alone. I'm realizing how it's always really nice to have that travel companion that reminds you why you're on the plane... or who freaks out so you can remind them. It's hard being both people though.

All that to say, I love you. Those who read this blog and those who will find it in the future, you have changed me and there's no words for how I love you. I sincerely hope that I can bring as much greatness to you as you do to me.





That said. I journey on. Miles to go.

MAY 1

Sorry it's been so long since i've updated. I only have a few minutes now.

I'm tired. I'm emotionally wiped out and while last night I was so excited to stay another week, I don't know if I will. Home sounds good.... but so does Haiti. So I'm torn. The team coming in only has one nurse for a whole hospital....which would be impossible.

This week was emotionally and physically exhausting. On tuesday a 44 year old woman miscarried a baby. They think it was due to intentional trauma i.e. husband kicking her in the stomach or her punching herself in the stomach. The doctor handed me the fetus which was about 25 weeks old... about the size of a coke can... and I had to take the body to the incinerator. I didn't cry. But I also dont think I really let myself process it. It was awful.

Since the team was so strong this week I was able to take it easy and not be in the hospital for really long days (suuuuuch a nice break). That allowed me to go help out a different non profit we're working with called Hands On Disaster Relief. They are intense and so incredible. It's about 100 volunteers demolishing houses and manually moving rubble. They work the hardest longest days ever. I worked with them for two afternoons sweating my balls off. I was crazy sore the next day but it felt so good to do some mindless work for a while. It was also good to be in the community and meet some people who have lost most everything and watch them recover little trinkets like shirts and photos.

That's all for now. I feel low on energy but still not sick, thank god. Love you guys. Starting to miss you :) be home soon?

xoxoxoxo

tina

p.s. I have totally given out my share of kisses to the little ones for you all. Kids run to me now and say 'bo' before I get a chance to ask them for one. They also know my name and make me feel crazy popular.

APRIL 19

Bonswa. (good night probably spelled wrong.)

The first team has gone and the second team is here. They're very different than our younger fun laid back team but I think it'll just take some time to mesh. It was quiet towards the end of the night and I have really been wanting to hear one of our patient's stories. He's super positive and everytime I smile at him he smiles back yet he seems to have some pretty intense pain in his leg. The earthquake came and he was in a house, he started running out of the house when it collapsed on him crushing his femur. He went home and his family wouldn't let him go to the doctor cause they thought he would get better. The earthquake happened on Jan 12... and he didn't finally get to the doctor until three weeks ago. He's a voodoo priest and for the last three months he's been calling on different spirits to heal his leg. Once he got to the hospital they x-rayed him and decided to cut his leg open to drain it. They got almost a gallon of pus from his swollen awfully infected leg. He's been on IV antibiotics and although he's in some pretty intense pain, he still manages to smile and nod his head. He's just one of the many I've fallen in love with.

We have an orphan here named Williamson, he's 8 but he's about the size of a 4 or 5 year old. He's freaking awesome. The orphanage he's living in is a pile of rubble with three dead bodies still stuck in it from the earthquake. A doctor visited to check out some kids and brough him to the hospital cause he had oozy ulcers on both legs and the back of his ear. They were crawling with bugs and covered in flies. The doctor stripped him and washed him off and brought him to me to start an IV. I started it while he was wailing away crying for God knows who. He's been an orphan for 3 years. They think his parents abandoned him because of economic reasons. Parents didn't have enough money to feed or care for him. Then an earthquake. Then an IV. This kid has been through hell and back yet he still conjures up a smile. He doesn't hate me anymore. We're good friends. I learned how to say kiss in creole, bo. I've been kissing him everytime I see him on the head or face or hand or belly and I wanted to teach him to blow a kiss so I said to him, "bo." He came in for a smack on the lips. I'm pretty sure I'd bring him home if I could. I cried sitting on his bed today. He's pretty happy in the hospital, probably cause he's getting more loving and attention there than anywhere else. I can't imagine his little life though. Never been to school. No Mommy. No Daddy. No true home. He doesn't eat much more than a small handful of food. Ugh, break my heart. I went to his bed today and he was singing a song. I have a video for when I get home, dont worry.

Once again, sorry that I write like a 7th grader. I really don't even know how to get all these thoughts and memories out. So please continue to pray for Chris and I... and please pray for Williamson. Love you guys.

Until next time.

bo.

christina

APRIL 15

So it's Thursday and seriously what.a.day! I was doing triage today for the less acute patients, sending them to clinic to be seen for simple stuff like scabies, head aches, stomach pains from not eating or from a little parasite giving them diarrhea and vomiting, and ringworm and different wounds that are crazy nasty infected. It was kinda boring after being in the busy busy hospital. After I was done with triage I went on a run with one of the other volunteers for about 4 hours. Mind you, it's crazy hot here but the winds were strong enough to get us through. We ended up making it to the beach and seeing far more trash than sand but it was beautiful all the same. When I got back to the house I changed and went to the clinic to wait for a new baby to come. A mom who already has 5 babies was ready to pop! She was totally dilated and ready to have her baby. The doctor was telling her to push but she said she wasn't ready. Physically, she was ready. Her body was ready for the baby but she knew much better. About another hour later she said she was ready. All of the americans had gone back to the house and I was there holding her hand. A Haitian doctor was there but he wasn't wearing any gloves I looked down and she started pooping. As I was thinking about the cloth I needed to clean up her poop, a girl walked by to say (very nonchalantly) "Oh look, she's presenting." I looked down and I saw a baby head. The doctor was stumbling around trying to find gloves so I reached down to grab the baby head and start suctioning the babies nose and mouth. After the doctor put his gloves on he came to get the rest of the baby out. Seriously, it was insane and I techincally was the first person to every touch that baby. It was insane. I can't believe it. Health baby boy. Pictures when I get home for sure! Anyways,I just had to tell you all. It was the craziest thing that maybe I've ever been a part of. I've seen births before but really never truely been a part of it the way I was tonight.

Alright kids. I love you. I'm sleeping rich and full again tonight. Thank you so much for all of your prayers. Thank God than neither of us has gotten sick or heat stroke (at least 2-3 volunteers have needed IV fluids each day). Keep us in your prayers. We're getting a little tired and sleep is precious. Those blasted dogs bark all night though! I just may bring home a dog and a little baby.... oh and this 7 year old boy with his mom. I'll tell you about him soon.

besos.

Te amo!

tina

APRIL 13

Hi everyone!!!!!

Oh my goodnessssssss!!! It has been amazing down here!

We're alive.

We're so blessed down here.

I seriously haven't been as full of life as I am right now.

I've started more IV's than I can count (including one on a sick little dehydrated 2 year old.) I've hugged and kissed little sick babies...especially this little six month old girl who has pneumonia.

I can't even explain this place to you. I'll try but it'll be muddled.

I've been in the "hospital" since saturday. The hospital is a pop up ten thing with five different rooms. One is an ER. One is for malnourished children. One is a storage area.

One is an OB/L&D room.... (we delivered a baby on sunday). One is an Acute care room. One is an Operating room.

I've bounced back and forth from the ER/ makeshift PACU to the Actue care area doing everything from passing meds to starting IV's the breathing treatments to cleaning wounds to removing sutures from a woman whose husband bit half of her ear off. I can't explain how chaotic is really is because not all of you know medicine (I still barely do) but for those who understand this part it's for you. 95% of our meds need to be reconstititued. We're pulling NS from a bag cause we don't have individual bottles. Our angiocaths are from the 70's... or so they seem. hardley any of them have a retratable needle. Don't worry. I've been so careful about needle sticks. We're making our ouwn flushes and reusing piggybacks. It's insane.

Anyways.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm safe. I'm well. I''m so happy here. 12 hour shifts never felt so good!!

I know I left with some fears. Not safety fears but fears of not being useful or not knowing what I was doing. All of my fears have vanished. I've been told several times that i'm a fantastic nurse. All of the insecurities of not having a job are gone.

The country is devestated. not as many houses are down as I thought but the ones that are are completely shocking. people are in tents in more places than I thought possible. everyday on the way to the hospital we drive by a street where the tents are IN the street!!!! The line outside of the clinic is insane. Hundreds of people everyday. The country just decreed yesterday that you cant charge for healthcare yet. Not for another 10 days.

Sorry this is totally choppy. I'm just so full of stuff to get out.

Anyways. I love you all. Pass on my best if anyone asks. Sorry I didn't email this to everyone I'm limited to my email contacts right now.

K. Besitos!!!!

love you!!!!

christina

a view of our "temporary" tent hospital

the beginning

Its always hard for me to start these things cause I always feel like there's so much for me to say. In short, these pages will be filled with my life, my experiences, my sadness, my joy. It will always be inadequate and I will never be able to truly express the way my journey will shape and form me but I hope that one story, or one picture will change even just a moment of your day. That while news stories have stopped reporting the realities of the third world, specifically Haiti, the devastation still exists and is still the reality of many.

So here goes nothing.

Most of you know that I was privileged enough to spend a month working at a hospital in Leogane, Haiti. A beautiful magical place full of crushed houses, dusty streets and some of the most resilient beautiful people I've ever seen. The moment I boarded the plane to return to the states, I was miserable. I knew I wasn't supposed to come home for good so I started figuring out a way to get back. I've now bought a one way ticket to Haiti with plans to stay for around 5 months.

I'll be working at a field hospital 3-4 days a week and the other 3-4 days I'll be working with an organization called Hands On Disaster Relief. www.hodr.org

The next few posts will be the letters I sent to my family from the month I was there.

I hope to bless you and give you a glimpse into life Haiti. May this blog serve to remind you of what so many have already forgotten, and inspire you to have perspective on life's priorities and what beauty really is.